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Priority Shift

{beautiful, beautiful flowers from my boyfriend, that we picked out at the farmer's market}

Life is a fluid thing. A fluid, almost-always-out-of-reach, grass-is-always-green-somewhere-else thing.

Normal changes too often for my liking, sometimes. For a home-body, safety-zone girl like me, that's a bitter truth to swallow. I find beauty in the routine. What's funny is...I wasn't always that way. I used to be the first one to jump in the pool, the first one to try the new thing. I've just gotten into a routine of routine

So when my routine changes and my priorities shift, it feels....strange and uncomfortable. You know, it's like, when you've been sitting for too long and you stand up too fast and everything spins and is blurry for a bit, and there's this strange weight pushing you back down again? And the new normal feels like giving something up. I hate giving things up. 

In high school my routine was simple: homework, ballet, and baking. That was it. In college, homework, chapel, and trips to the dollar store or the waffle house or home to do laundry. Now, it's work, and being alone most of the time. I've grown accustomed to the time alone. I'm never lonely, as I have plenty of ideas and thoughts and projects to keep me busy. (But the not speaking until I get to work thing, now that's a strange one) Even on a more daily basis, some weeks I'm in a routine of an ice cream on the way home from work, or an iced coffee on the way to work. And these have all been good for a time. But would I want to go back to high school routine? Nah. Ice cream every single day? Nah.

My boss' boss said the other day to me (well, us, as a collective): Your time and energy demands are about to change. And that stuck with me the past few weeks. A new routine is coming my way. And there will be that strange chair-getting-up phenomenon. And I will still rebel against change (even good change) in my stubbornness, and will bemoan the loss of my current (super-totally-comfy/lazy) routine. 

But when whatever-this-change-is is established at the new routine...well, I think I'll be quite happy. Quite happy, indeed.

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