"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God,
that He may exalt you at the proper time. Cast
all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you."
I thought I had a stomachache tonight.
Turns out it was more of a heartache.
I cancelled babysitting based on what turns out to be a terrible case of...gas. That's right, I said it. The sausage I ate at lunch didn't want to let me go play with my friend's adorable little guy. I absolutely hate breaking commitments.
You see, I've had this hurting heart I've been ignoring. Ignoring it felt fine at first. But then it brought out anxiety. It brought out insecurity. It made me feel like the worst person in the world for cancelling a commitment. Basically, holding in a heartbreak surfaces all of my faults and failures, and makes them seem insurmountable. A gray Sunday night with rain on the tin roof, a cancelled commitment and a stomach ache just felt like too much.
I don't have to HIDE the fact that my heart is broken. Pretending I have it all under control robs me of God's comfort and healing power: the very things my heart needs! I long to pour myself out at the feet of Jesus. I desire it so deeply now! To pour out all of those insecurities and fears that were welling up behind my heartache. Then move on to pouring out the heartache. God can be trusted with these things. He cares for us. But first, we must humble ourselves under His mighty right hand. We come to Him, humbled, broken in spirit, and say, "God, I hurt. I am hurt." He will hold you in His mighty right hand, and He will say, "My dear, my dear. Find your rest in me. I will uphold you. I have a plan for you in my proper and perfect timing. Give my your cares, because you don't need to trouble with them."
The opening verse, from 1 Peter, is really powerful in The Message version, too....
"So be content with who you are, and don't put on airs.
God's strong hand is on you; he'll promote you at the right
time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you."
1 Peter 5:6,7
The "putting on airs" part really got my heart---pretending to be OK is putting on airs. And what good is my testimony if I am constantly putting on airs? I share this tonight, to remind myself, and maybe to remind you, too: It's OK. You will be OK, but it's OK to have a broken heart. Bring it all to God, humble yourself at His throne, and cast your cares on Him. He cares so utterly deeply for us, and He has plans for us in His perfect timing.
"OK to Cry" by Phillip LaRue