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So a mentor in my life suggested I try online dating. CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE. She suggested it so that I can get some "positive feedback" that I am still desirable at age 29.5, ha. It was homework, though, and I'm always a sucker for getting A's, so I set up my profile. Man, they don't make that easy, do they? "Who are you and what are you looking for?" WOAH HEY that's personal and I can't just WRITE ABOUT it for EVERYONE to see!

But I've been working on it, you guys. Things I've come up with so far to put in my online dating profile:

+ I've had my office fish for a year and I've yet to see him poop. He must poop, right? I see poop when I clean his tank, but I don't understand how a fish even poops. This stresses me out.

+I'm considering getting a body pillow. How depressing on a scale of 1-10 is that? How depressing is it that the main thing stopping me is that I sleep in a TWIN bed and I don't think there's room for both me and a human substitute?

+I was eating soup in bed late the other night (first mistake), and I spilled some. No, let me be more specific: I was wearing a shirt and no bra, and a noodle slipped down my shirt. I just...don't...even...know...how to explain my way outta that one.

+Was at prayer meeting last night, head bowed, and I opened my eyes for a minute and realized my fly was unzipped. Zippers aren't quiet, but I zipped up anyway, how could I not?

Overall I'd say I'm gonna be innundated with interested men, wouldn't you think? #nailedit #killingit #aintnothang #howido #youknowit #doinggreatatlife

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